Lee Amir

IN A "WRITING AND HEALING" WORKSHOP, BRUCE EATS CHOCOLATE, THINKS CANDY

Bruce's heart was glad to be in this room–here where his heart could breathe, where his heart could hear. But Bruce's ears hated the word "healing," hated the word "symptom." Bruce felt like a gay man who didn't like Judy Garland or disco or The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence but loved this community & what they stood for.

Bruce's ear, his heart, his brain tripped on the alcohol- and ether-smelling clinical white coat word "symptom."

"Tell me what ails you.
I'll give you something to 'F' you up.
That's the only way you'll get better."

Perhaps Bruce needed to invent or use a better word for "symptom." Thing? Problem? Issue? Hard candy? –Something sweet or not-so-sweet, sticky, unchewable, unswallowable, only slowly dissolving. Good bad. Hard candy--could lead to a diabetic coma and amputated legs…or to pleasure–chances are, both.

Non Sequitur #1: Isn't it strange, if you think about it, to "eat a kiss"? Share a kiss, experience a kiss, savor a kiss, yes, but to eat a kiss? How can one mouth eat something designed to be shared by two–or more if one's being greedy. As Bruce scribbled black ink words into his lined notebook, chocolate melted, no, merged into his tongue which Bruce pressed to the roof of his mouth to squeeze even more flavor out of the kiss.

10 minutes again–not enough time to proceed as Bruce liked to proceed. Not enough for Bruce's fast pen to slowly caress the details. 10 minutes is a quickie in a bedroom or kitchen or hotel room or even bathroom which Bruce had never done–Bruce was too private for bathrooms, but Bruce had had that dream in a bathroom at a Gloria Gaynor concert–with that man seducing him–even then they were in a closed stall–the kind stranger reaching around unzipping him, touching his hard candy, savoring his sweaty length.

Bruce lost the flow–what was Bruce's symptom? What stranger held the cure in his hands?

10 minutes—a quickie. But Bruce liked foreplay. Bruce wanted more.

 

Songwriter, poet, performer, educator, activity director, and improvisation-lover, Lee Amir injects disability cultural perspectives and humor into the overwhelming medicalness surrounding disability and diverse ways of being. This piece is excerpted from Amir's recent work-in-progress, Bruce and Cale: A Novelish Thing exploring disabled and queer closetedness, disclosure, and pleasure. In 2012, Amir earned her Masters in Theater at California State University Sacramento. Her thesis focuses on dance/performance companies that integrate disabled and nondisabled performers who perform as equals and create cutting-edge pieces that broaden the range of people/bodies/"voices" enlivening our stages. Amir also contributes to The Olimpias Performance Research Projects.